DISCLAIMER: I haven't seen any of the following movies and am basing my opinions on my negative worldview alone.
X-Men: Days of FuturePast: Not even Neil Degrasse Tyson could explain where "days of future past" falls on the space-time continuum. I expect more Wolverine shenanigans! And Ellen Page doing her best monotone delivery.
Godzilla: Remember the tagline for Roland Emmerich's laughable 1998 reboot, "Size Does Matter?" This is the monster plus Walter White, minus any feelings of inadequacy. And Aaron Taylor Johnson reportedly put on 20 pounds of beefiness for his role in this. So, there's that.
22 Jump Street: Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum are back, better than ever, and across the street. Reading the warning labels on my Vicodin bottle sounds more exciting.
Maleficent: I can't wait to see this bad bitch. Angelina Jolie, Elle Fanning, Juno Temple, and Imelda freaking Staunton. Beware: I will be talkng back to the screen.
Edge of Tomorrow: I can't tell you how many times people have promised to meet me for coffee at the "edge of tomorrow" and completely flaked. Does Emily Blunt pull the same shit with Tom Cruise in this flick?
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes: Coincidentally, this is also my drag name.
The Purge: Anarchy: "The Purge" is never really as enjoyable as "the binge." Am I right, ladies, or am I right?
Hercules: Brett Ratner delivers the gayest film of the season. Must've been all those "rehearsals."
Guardians of the Galaxy: I can't tell if this movie is a prank or not. Oh, it's not? Chris Pratt, call me.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Remember the 1990 version with Judith Hoag and Elias Koteas? Splinter: "I made a funny!" LOL. Good times...wait, Megan Fox plays April? And it's from Michael Bay? Consider my childhood raped once again.
The Expendables 3: Let me get this straight -- Lindsay Lohan is not allowed to be in movies anymore, but Mel Gibson is?
The world of online dating gets rightfully skewered in a new web series that recently debuted on Funny or Die.
Online Daters features four lady-seeking bros pulling out all the technological stops to track down a profile worthy of their attention. Combining the intense camerawork of a Scandal or Homeland episode with some spoofy hilarity, OD is just what the viral doctor ordered.
We recently dug up some footage from last year's Comic Con in San Diego...and look who we found! It's Scandal's very own Guillermo Diaz working the red (er, black) carpet for The Walking Dead's 100th Issue Party.
Had we been caught up on Olivia Pope & Associates like we are now, we definitely would've had a major nerdgasm back then. If only...[sigh].
Check out what Huck, er Guillermo, had to say about his first Comic Con experience (and why we're looking forward to running into him again):
We're horror fanatics here at HIH, so you can imagine how excited we get every time the 13th of any month falls on a Friday (break out the bloodstained hockey masks!).
That's why our very own Tim Murdock, the King of F13 fanatics, interviewed Peter Bracke, the author of Crystal Lake Memories: The Complete History of Friday the 13th just in time for this weekend's infamous date. It's also fitting that the Crystal Lake Memories documentary, which is an adaptation of the in-depth volume, is also being released on Blu-ray this week.
Check out part one of Tim's very special installment of his own Happy Horror TIMe web chat show, and get to know the man behind the behind-the-scenes bloodshed:
Nostalgia can be a killer, and The World's End proves that revisiting one's roots isn't always what it's cracked up to be.
In what is easily one of the best films of the summer (pity we had to wait til now to see it), Simon Pegg plays a middle-aged bloke who hasn't quite grown up and convinces his childhood mates to return to their hometown for a legendary pub crawl (12 bars in one night, which translates into a lot of bathroom breaks). However, as circumstances would have it, their old stomping ground isn't what it used to be -- not because these men are older, wiser, and less happy with their mundane lives -- but because alien robots have replaced the townsfolk.
Joining Pegg for the hilariously staged alcoholic bingefest is Nick Frost (a Cornetto trilogy veteran) as Andy, the lone sober attendee, Martin Freeman (The Hobbit) as Oliver, a straight-edged yuppie, Paddy Considine as Steven, a pal who's crushing on Oliver's sister (Rosamund Pike), and Peter (Eddie Marsan), a introverted loser who hasn't let go of some painful high school memories.
Swiftly directed by Edgar Wright (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz) and sharply written by Pegg himself, The World's End is a clever and razor-sharp satire on middle-aged crises, British culture, and the whole damn genre of sci-fi. Every minute of this highly enjoyable ride -- from its smart and subtle introductions to its catastrophic climax -- is chock-full of buzzy energy.
"It's the most personal of our three films together," Pegg has said. "We learned on Shaun that it was possible to combine serious situations with comedy and heart. Thematically, The World's End is linked to the two other movies through an individual facing off against a collective, one person versus a homogenized force."
And it sure helps to have friends like these by your side when the shit hits the fan in a seemingly quiet British suburb.
Sure, being released in the same summer as Seth Rogen's This Is The End will bring out comparisons, but make no mistake: World is the craftier and more layered of the two apocalyptic comedies.
Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood is celebrating it's 25th Anniversary this summer! Hooray! Why be nostalgic for a Friday the 13th? Especially when the title has a seven in it? There are so many reasons, I can hardly contain my enthusiasm!
What does the "The New Blood" mean anyway? I don't think Paramount even knew the answer to that question back in 1988 when the film opened, and they still don't today. But the studio liked the green stuff and was ready to spread the red stuff all over the screen for horror fans who were waiting to see more campers dare to walk naively into the woods once again. The new blood in this film is a teenaged girl (Lar Park Lincoln) with telekinetic powers named Tina. Yes, it's basically Carrie Meets Jason, Crystal Lake's resident killer.
All of the Friday flicks have a special place in my heart. However, this is the first Friday I got to see on the big screen. I recall holding my Skittles box over my eyes anytime Harry Manfredini's famous score would kick in and the killer's point of view would take over. The crazy thing is I didn't want to be anywhere else in the world but there, scaring myself silly. This was no easy task, getting into this screening; my 17-year-old brother Trevor had me, a nagging 11-year-old, bugging him until he agreed to drive both of us to the General Cinema Westland 8 to see this horrific masterpiece.
New Blood opens the same way any nighttime soap opera starts -- by showings scenes from all the previous episodes, particularly with all of the female survivors fighting back! And Part VII does not stray from the formula that worked six times before: hot teens in jeopardy in the woods (just like soaps)!
Cut to (pun totally intended) July 27th, 2013: I got to revisit this film at the New Beverly Cinema at a midnight showing. Now a little older (and a little tipsy), my hope was to just stay awake. Once the film started, there was no chance I would have fallen asleep because I was just as riveted as I was 25 years ago!
One tidbit I now know that I didn't know then: four actors from the movie happen to be gay, thus giving this film the label "FriGAY the 13th." Thanks to Peter Bracke and his brilliant book, Camp Crystal Lake Memories, I was able to pick up this fun fact (and I eagerly await the 7-hour documentary adaptation that comes out next month on DVD). Moral of the story? This movie made me gay; I had no choice.
If I were to have any complaint about the movie, it would be this: it is too short. 88 minutes? Come on! I mean, even Saw: The Final Chapter was longer!
Orphan Black co-creators John Fawcett and Graeme Manson love how much people love their show.
After a thrilling and addictive first season on BBC America, the clone conspiracy thriller (starring the mesmerizing Tatiana Maslany, who was robbed of an Emmy nod) is gaining some much-needed traction and has become the #1 show to binge on this summer (seriously, pick up the DVDs and see what all the well-deserved brouhaha is all about). In a nutshell: a street hustler witnesses her doppelganger jump in front of a train, assumes her identity, and quickly finds herself in the middle of a shadowy plot. There are twists, bloody turns, and a sassy gay sidekick included on the dangerous journey.
"I think we knew early on that we had shot a bunch of pretty good episodes," Manson tells me as we chat at the Hard Rock Hotel in San Diego during Comic-Con. "So it was interesting watching people talking about the show and asking 'How are they gonna keep it up? How are they going to manage?' And we're kind of going 'Hee hee.'"
For those wondering where actress Maslany came from, here's some insight: Fawcett had worked with her on the 2004 horror flick Ginger Snaps 2. "We went through a normal casting process," he remembers, referring to the origins of Orphan Black. "And what we decided was that we weren't looking for a name. We wanted to discover someone. It was really important. I wanted that kind of experience for the audience...so we all decided that we wanted someone cool and new."
And thank the gods they found her.
Manson adds, "We had to, because of the way we were financed, cast a Canadian. So we couldn't go England, we couldn't go to the States. We had to go in our own backyard...and we were just lucky that we found Tat."
Fawcett on Maslany: "She comes very prepared. She knows the scripts, she knows all the stuff. And she's really an actor who lives in the moment. She's so directable. She's very good at trying anything. She doesnt have that ego. Some actors get very fearful working outside the box, and that's not her. That's where she thrives.
"We've sat down with her and spitballed some ideas...We want to challenge her. But we don't want to give her something like Spanish gangsta clone. I don't think that's possible."
Manson: "We knew [pro-clone] Rachel was coming, so several episodes ahead, we went to Tat told her this is what we're thinking of this character. So she got into the process and headspace of what she was going to be about."
And what about the seemingly nice Mrs. S, played by Maria Doyle Kennedy? "We love Maria," Manson continues. "And we want to use her more, so we've got some interesting surprises with her. And Sarah has started a war with Rachel, so we won't be skipping ahead a year. I think the show will pretty much pick up where we left off."
Fawcett: "That's sort of our show. Every episode is a chapter and a bigger story. So it feels right to go on like that."
As for that surprising scarf strangling via a garbage disposal in the action-packed season finale? "We like the darkness and to spike it with dark humor," the producers laugh.
What's in store for Alison (the suburban housewife clone)? The guys hint that she'll have to deal with her actions in season 2. There is a lot of guilt she'll experience. "She could go off the rails," Manson teases.
But what about the others? "In season 2," Fawcett says, "now that we've established the world, I think we'll see a few more of our supporting cast have more significant storylines and play in a little bit more. Not that we don't love Tat, but we really gotta rest her a little more so she's not burned out!"
Then there's the burning question I have to ask: Where did Orphan Black come from? Because, as I fall deeper in love with the show, I can't help but see shades of some of my favorite shows from the past...
Manson: "When we first came up with the concept in 2003, we were totally into Memento, just in terms of the way the mystery unfolded...not chopping up time, but that sense of dislocation and space..."
Fawcett: "And discovering it from the main character's point of view."
Manson: "We were also into The X-Files and Alias. Alias was so much fun, and we wanted the show to be fun and cool visual stuff with."
Fawcett: "And Six Feet Under was also an inspiration, because I love the humor, and it was always important that our show had a lot of humor to it. We don't want it to look like we take ourselves too seriously. I think it's fun to poke fun at yourself too."
Manson: "A couple of other ones are Lost and Breaking Bad's storytelling and that how-the-fuck-are-they-gonna-get-out-of-this quality."
Fawcett: "We're like the genre version of Breaking Bad...And Battlestar. There were lots of clone shenanigans in Battlestar."
Manson: "Any Tarantino movie...
Fawcett: "It's kind of a joke, but not really a joke, but we wanted to make a show so that we could go to Comic-Con. We've never been before. When we cast Tatiana, we went out to lunch, and we went, 'By the way, we're gonna go to Comic-Con next year,' and she was like, 'Okay.' She'd never been there before either."
While we continue to recover from the geektastic 4-day event that was Comic-Con, let's look back at all that we tried to cram in to our already packed schedule...
The Enders Game Fan Experience - Attendees were treated to an interactive sneak peek at November's highly anticipated sci-fi epic starring Harrison Ford, Viola Davis, Abigail Breslin, and Asa Butterfield as the young titular hero. We walked through several rooms of sets straight from the film and ogled some props that were used in the big-screen battles. Dog tags and security clearance IDs included!
The Hell Baby Pre-Premiere Party - The second floor of The Tipsy Crow in San Diego's historic Gaslamp District was taken over by members of the press...and a few VIP.
While guests enjoyed some crudite and an open bar, creepy characters from the Leslie Bibb-Rob Corddry horror comedy walked around in full costumes (like the scary, topless demon-woman pictured here with one hot flask-loving priest).
The Schick Hydro Experience on the Assassin's Creed Jackdaw Ship - Schick Hydro teamed up with Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag to offer shaves fit for even the toughest, most heavily bearded pirates aboard the Assassin’s Creed Jackdaw Ship on Saturday at the 5th Street Pier.
Two expert Schick Hydro barbers, decked out in eyepatches, boots and suede vests, offered us smooth shaves with the cutting edge Schick Hydro 5 razor and even offered us a few grooming goodies to take home with us.
There was also the Friday night party that took place aboard the ship and featured stars from across the gaming galaxy.
It's a very special edition of the HIH Podcast where we discuss all things Comic-Con: The X-Files, Enders Game, Gravity, The Following, Veronica Mars, Orphan Black, the Kickstarter phenomenon (we're looking at you, Spike Lee!), and so much more.
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