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There may be something laughable about watching a 13-year-old get all seething and pissed at the girl who's done him wrong, but haven't we all felt that way at some point in junior high? Greyson Chance taps into some early teen angst, helps us relive our own, and delivers a surprisingly infectious anthem for summer youth:
I remember being a kid and playing with my action figures (or dolls, as my mother would call them). I'd have Optimus Prime battle Batman until a giant T-Rex flew in and devoured them both. It didn’t make any sense and it defied all logic. But it didn’t matter to me because I was in charge. Transformers: Dark of the Moon is an excessive 157-minute exercise of Michael Bay channeling his inner child, having robots wrestle around as they maniacally destroy Chicago. He hopes the 3D and the never-ending explosions are enough to distract the audience from the lack of storytelling, character, and performance. It pains me to say it, but it kind of worked.
Transformers: DOTM is all about the robots, but for some ridiculous reason, Bay feels the need to crowbar in a laundry list of actors to perform meaningless skits in between action sequences. Shia LaBeouf returns as the main character whose name escapes me because quite honestly, it really doesn’t matter.Then there's Rosie Huntington-Whiteley who falls under the category of Not A Good Enough Actress To Warrant Me Saying All Three Of Her Names. She replaces Megan Fox as the token damsel in distress in a Razzie Award-worthy performance that makes Fox’s acting look like Meryl Streep in comparison.
John Malkovich is entertaining but contributes nothing to the plot in his short time on screen. Patrick Dempsey chews enough scenery to give Gene Hackman in Superman a run for his money. Frances McDormand is in full “What the hell am I doing here?” mode, while Josh Duhamel delivers one of the most abominable lines of dialogue I have ever heard...so abominable, it caused me to turn my face away from the screen in embarrassment.
Performances aside, the real disservice Michael Bay is responsible for is desensitizing his audience to the point where nothing shocks us anymore. In Armageddon, he spent time allowing us to connect to those characters and as a result, we had an emotional response when one of them died. DOTM treats its human characters like pawns on a chess board while the robots play the role of the Queen, capable of moving all over the board destroying anything and everything in their path without consequence. The final hour of the film shows the massacre of the human race. Instead of feeling compassion or shock, we feel nothing. We feel nothing because Bay’s style of directing keeps us so emotionally distanced from the characters and conflict that we really don't give a damn who wins the war between the Autobots and Decepticons.
As much as the film underwhelms in every category of filmmaking, it overwhelms with its use of 3D. One shot immerses you in the point-of-view of sky divers weaving in between the skyline of Chicago. The result is a breathtaking experience that might leave some with a dizzying spell of vertigo. The 3D experience more than justifies seeing Transformers in the theater and will leave you happily remembering the striking images that Bay projects on screen. Just don’t ask me what the movie is about because I really do not remember.
And truthfully, I don’t care.
3 (out of 5) Stars.
- Garytt Poirier
Is it wrong to get all excited for this fourth entry because of the Eminem-Alicia Keys collaboration, Simon Pegg's mere presence, and the hotness that is Paula Patton and Josh Holloway - and NOT Tom Cruise? What does that say about the current state of this franchise?
Also kickass? That fact that this thing is directed by the guy who did The Incredibles back in 2004. Oh, and Jeremy Renner.
The Social Network writer (and Oscar winner) Aaron Sorkin will be penning an adaptation of Life at the Marmont, a chronicle of the famous hotel which is loaded with Hollywood history. And producing the project for HBO is John Krasinski, who just started shooting the eighth season of The Office.
The miniseries will feature a bunch of interconnected stories a la Neil Simon's California Suite, which had showcased the Beverly Hills Hotel back in 1978. However, this script will have a multi-generational narrative, time-jumping through the decades since the hotel's opening in the 1930s.
Expect some famous and lesser known faces to pop up in this in-development project. Krasinski himself will undoubtedly take part in one of the many roles.
Consider us sold. And if there is to be any shooting on the actual property on the Sunset Strip, consider us there. If those walls over there could talk, they'd namedrop hundreds of celebrities who have graced the historic building with their presence. Barbra, Linsday, Scarlett, Judy, Marilyn, Keanu...the list goes on.
We shall stay tuned.
Save July 7-17, Los Angeles.
The 29th annual film festival that is Outfest, one of the biggest LGBT festivals in the world, will be taking over parts of the city for 10 days after everyone's returned from their Fourth of July celebrations.
Kicking off the fest is the drama Gun Hill Road (above), starring Esai Morales as a just-out-of-prison father who returns to his Bronx, New York home and learns that his teenaged son (newcomer Harmony Santana) has come out of the closet...as a transgendered woman.
Other anticipated titles include Harvest:
British import Weekend (the International Centerpiece):
And the very L.A.-centric Going Down in La-La Land (starring friend-of-HIH Matthew Ludwinski):
Get your tickets, kids.
And see you at the theaters...and galas...and parties.
If you're looking for some tunage to accompany you to the beach or on a road trip, look no further. Lather on the sunscreen and charge up the iPod, HIHers. We got the perfect playlist for the season of sizzle:
1. "Moves Like Jagger" by Maroon 5 feat. Christina Aguilera
2. "Marry the Night" by Lady Gaga
3. "Dirty Dancer" by Enrique Iglesias feat. Usher & Lil Wayne
4. "Super Bass" by Nicki Minaj
5. "Helena Beat" by Foster the People
...And there's more (25 more, to be exact). Sample these must-listens HERE.
Yes, that's Tommy himself rockin' out to what we're sure is some cover of Journey or any given hair metal band. Click away to get up close to that hair...and tattoos.
In which the Femme Fatale flips off the press, gets felt up by a hot cop -- conveniently next to a 2012 Volkswagon Beetle (product placement!) -- gets all Gogo-from-Kill-Bill on a few paps on the street, and pays homage to MJ's "Thriller" at the end. Cute, but it ain't no "Last Friday Night."
Thank you, producers of The Voice, for bringing together Adam Levine and Christina Aguilera so that they could inevitably capitalize on their pop brands and collaborate on this not-too-late-for-summer jam.
It's slick and sexy, and we love. Do you?
If you're a fan of large ensembles, especially those of the schmaltzy rom-com variety, then feast your eyes on what looks like a conceptual poster for Garry Marshall's upcoming New Year's Eve, the follow-up to last year's successful celebfest that was Valentine's Day.
All of the big names are there (with a few left out - no Jon Bon Jovi?). Expect a trailer for this mass-appealing flick soon and for the movie to come out...when do you think? This thing has December holiday season written all over it.
Click on the image to the right to get a closer look.
Holiday planning already? Sheesh, just let us enjoy the official start to summer.
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