Michael Urie at Legendary Bingo
Volume V, issue no. 10 of The Weekly Wonder
June 2 – June 8, 2008
Hello, my dumplings! Did you miss me? Were you lost and lonely with no one to steer you through the opening salvos of our current Mercury retrograde? Never fear! I’m back, and fully recovered from both my astrology conference and the dread chest congestion that felled me the following week. And just in the nick of time, I see, peering into my crystal horoscope… The week ahead promises high energy and lots of socializing, but also some funny false starts with the New Moon conjoining retrograde Mercury and the Sun sextiling Mars in Leo on Tuesday. The best way to make use of this combination is to delve deep into any outstanding issues we face and be ready to take action on them. It’s time to be bold, brave, and assertive. We will be feeling things hot and furious and it may not be easy to pace ourselves, so the best thing is to simply own the truth and power of our own feelings. Time enough later to understand how everyone else feels and why, this week it will be enough to understand ourselves! Those most affected are Geminies and Leos born near the 7th of their months, like comedian Sandra Bernhard, born June 6, 1955, and Leo Michael Urie, born August 8, 1980.
The Stars that You Are
Weekly Horoscopes: Remember to read for the sign on your ascendant too!
The young girls who followed Frank Sinatra in their poodle skirts and rolled down socks caused such a stir in their excited clamoring for Ol’ Blue Eyes, that they earned a name of their own, the “bobby soxers.” It was the birth of the teenybopper, and long before Britney, Frank knew how to get the girls excited and keep them that way. Aries, this week the president of your fan club is sure to announce a fabulous new commemorative shenanigan in honor of you, so get ready to work it to your advantage. If a pencil labeled “I heart Aries,” doesn’t appeal to you, well, just laugh yourself all the way to the bank.
I love watching bank tellers count money. They do it so dang fast. If I was counting out hundreds of dollars I would go super slow so as to avoid making a mistake, but of course you can get used to anything, even counting hundreds of hundreds. Taurus, this week you may be feeling extra sensitive about something and you’ll need to be mindful how you dispel your emotions. There’s a lot coming at you right now, so just pretend you’re a teller at a bank - even with a lot to count and no time to do it slowly, if you apply a dispassionate method, and concentrate, you’ll get through the line in no time at all.
Steam engines generate heat in a firebox, and transform it into steam to push on the pistons that make the engine go. The bi-product of all this is used, cooler, lower pressure steam that must be released into the environment or the whole engine will blow. This week, Gemini, I want you to think of yourself like a finely tuned steam engine, with all sorts of pistons and fireboxes, and even an engineer in a cute little cap. You’re up to your eyeballs in something and it’s coming out your ears, and that’s a good thing. Don’t miss the stuff that’s got to go in order for you to go. It does and you will. Toot toot!
The phrase “close one door, another door opens,” means sometimes we must end one thing before we notice new opportunities. This week that’s you, Cancer, and the door you have to close may not be the one you think it is, because this week you may be distracted by a longing to close the door in a certain someone’s face. First pause, lick your finger and test the wind. The draft may be coming from a different direction, and if you close THAT door, the pressure from this person won’t be so fierce. Dress warm Wednesday through Friday as the moon moves through your sign, it’s gonna get drafty!
Here in LA, “spinning classes” were really big for a while, and I don’t really even know what a “spinning class” is, but I like the sound of it. I’d like it better if it didn’t involve some sort of stationery bicycle, and you were the instructor, Leo. That’s because this week you’re the one to teach an all too invaluable Master Plate-spinning class. Yes! This week you’re going to catch up on everything you’ve not been doing and some things you’ve been doing but not doing as much of as you’d like. So go on, spin your yarns, your tales, and your top, we’re all waiting with baited breath and hushed anticipation!
When I was in the fifth grade I lost a spelling bee by spelling “city” with an “s.” I was ever so mortified, because in my mind I saw the “c,” but still said “s.” It just about killed me, I can tell you, and my plight then reminds me of yours this week, Virgo, ‘cause your mind is going about four cylinders faster than your mouth. You’re seriously brilliant, but you may stumble over the words coming out of your mouth now, so my best advice is to just keep going. Don’t regret anything, and don’t make an idiot of yourself either, trying to convince the judges that when you said “y,” you really meant “x.” Even if it’s true.
Those Disney princesses have it easy with their forest legions coming to their aid when it’s time to make a dress, clean the house, or brew some tea. Honestly! Wait a minute, why am I complaining to you, Libra? This week you’ve got some foresty legions of your own, or SOMETHING, on your side helping you complete the uncompletable, scale every mountain etc… How irritating you are! But wait! There’s a silver lining for us jealous folk! There’s a hint – just a whiff – of Mickey in Fantasia about you, luv. Play by the rules when making your magic this week, dearie, and failing that, don’t get caught!
Hostage negotiators have one of the worst jobs since it’s the sort job you really need mad skills to pull off and naturally the only way to collect mad skills is through practice and no one really wants to practice hostage negotiations. Well, almost no one. I don’t know what’s going on with you, Scorpio, but you’ve got a chance to practice your mad skills this week. There are some conversations you need to have about things that no one really wants to talk about and you’re just the person to get the ball rolling! Fortunately there’s no one better to handle the unhandleable than you. Go on, save the world!
Sag, it’s time to pay attention to your significant other. After all, they’re significant for a reason, n’est pas? Time to dim the lights, set out the candles, and lay down a magnificent feast for your loved one. This week you’ve magically got the ability to put someone else first, and it will be effortless. They’re just so cool, how could you not? If you’ve been planning to propose than this is definitely the week to do it! On the other hand, if you’ve not been planning a proposal, then don’t, for GOD’S SAKE, do it now. Just have FUN and enjoy the romantic adventure of it all. Time enough for cliff-jumping next week.
Benign neglect is a theory of child raising wherein you provide ample positive choices for your children and then let them choose without interfering or guiding their selection. Then you allow them time to explore their choices without inflicting your opinion on them. Cappy, somewhere in your life you’ve got a project suffering from benign neglect and it’s time to take it to task and whip some sense into it! Fortunately, your project hasn’t been suffering so much as growing without much input from you, and at this point all you’ll have to do is help write the college applications! Congratulations, Slacker!
On the eponymous television show Dexter, the lead character deftly frames a cop who investigates him for the murders he committed. Now I’m not saying you’re a serial killer, Aquarius, but this week you might take a page out of Dexter’s book. That’s ‘cause someone is gunning for you and while you may not like everything they’ve got to say to you, you’ve got it in you to make it work to your advantage if you care to. With the Moon joining Mars in Aries on Saturday it will be time to pounce, so watch your back and be ready for it, whether you’re the one doing the pouncing or not! Grrrrrr!
You know the old adage about fish and houseguests starting to smell after a few days, Pisces. Of course in your case it’s not so bad, since you are yourself a fish. Anyway, whatever it is that’s starting to stink there are things about the smell you strangely find appealing, so it’s a little hard to just out and out get rid of the source! Fortunately, with Mars sextile the New Moon you’re blessed with more focus than normal, so getting everyone to go along with your plans may be easier than normal, and less like herding cats and more like herding, well, fish. Go on, get out there and join your school!!!
Till next week, that's it for me, Marvelous Readers! Be Safe, Courteous, and Happy!
Remember! You Have a Future!!!!!!