Marvelous Readers, who amongst us is ready for this ruddy awful Venus Neptune opposition to be over? Ai yi yi! Aquarians like Christina Ricci and Jennifer Aniston might be especially hard hit, finding themselves in romantic entanglements that at first blush appeared to be everything they wanted, but proved on second, third, and last look to be more entanglement than romance. Nevermind, dearhearts, Venus is on the move, the worst of it is over - unless of course you happen to be a Virgo or Pisces, like Hugh Grant or Freddie Prinz Jr. In that case, with Saturn and Uranus gearing up for a three year dance opposing one another across your signs, your troubles are just beginning. So settle in, Little Radishes, and get ready for some serious communiqués from me over the next few years about risking everything you have on the strength of your convictions and embracing the responsibility you have to those around you who may not possess your vision but will most certainly be hit with the bill for it.
The Stars that You Are
Weekly Horoscopes: Remember to read for the sign on your ascendant too!
My mother used to jokingly complain about my oppositional disorder. It’s only recently I discovered this is a real clinical diagnosis for children with severe behavioral problems. The thing is, sometimes the urge to oppose something just because you can is not altogether unwarranted. With Mars and Jupiter squaring your sign and the Sun opposing it, you’ve got a week of irritating circumstances and possible opposition from authority to work against. Lucky for you you’ve got that oppositional disorder. But because you don’t always know your own strength, just remember: a little goes a long way.
My Taurus friend Fred recently found a Scorpion in his shower. Fred was inexplicably moved by his chance encounter and decided to take it as a sign, although he’s not entirely sure of what. Perhaps Fred was unconsciously tuning into Mercury and Mars in their shadow periods aspecting your sign, Taurus. This week you’ve got an intuitive sense of what’s to come, and how it could benefit you. Like scorpions, which are nocturnal your vision won’t survive bright light, but take a page out of Fred’s book and name your signs for what they are, even when you don’t know yet what they signify. Trust your sting.
Sisyphus was a Greek king punished by the Gods for his immeasurable trickery to push a boulder up a hill for all eternity. There is an element of Sisyphus’ dilemma about you these days, Gemini. This week take action on something you’ve been working towards for a while. Don’t worry if the boulder falls right back to the bottom of the hill. Ultimately the myth might not refer to the uselessness of everything like that’s a bad thing. It might just mean that the point of pushing the boulder up the hill is to push the boulder up the hill. The point isn’t to keep it there. Go on; put your back into it!
In the film The Long Kiss Goodnight, Geena Davis plays a PTA mom with amnesia who hires a private detective played by Samuel Jackson to uncover her original identity as a highly trained assassin. Cancer, you’ve got a moment now to pretend you don’t remember who you used to be and with that to become someone you’ve always dreamed of being. Of course ultimately you’ll have to integrate both parts of yourself, but whether you embrace your inner assassin or your inner PTA mom right now doesn’t matter, Cancer. The other one will be right there when you really need him or her.
My friend recently had back surgery. Her anesthesiologist cracked some dark jokes before knocking her out, and her last memory before she went under was him laughing over the fact the song playing on the radio was You just died in my arms tonight. Fortunately she found this hilarious, although it took her awhile after her successful surgery to recall the incident entirely. Leo, you’re taking care of any and all business this week, but you may fall asleep at the wheel and be forced to rely on others more than you like. Don’t worry, that’s what you pay us the big bucks for. Go on, shut your eyes.
Marge Piercy said, "Work is its own cure. You have to like it better than being loved." But what if love IS your work? Over the next couple weeks, Virgo, get set to have your priorities tested in your love life. It’s either time to get some work done in your relationship or it’s time to love your work. With Mercury in his shadow period in Scorpio you will be thinking deeply about certain matters that are best left on the back burner. There is nothing you can actually DO to get that sauce ready before it just is. Relax and just love the reduction process for its own self. Work is its own cure.
On the show Weeds, Mary Louise-Parker plays a suburban widow named Nancy who deals marijuana to support her family. She perpetually walks a tightrope between doing the right thing for the wrong reasons and doing the wrong thing for the right reasons. Underneath it all she is sleepwalking with grief over her lost husband and seems to make her decisions primarily based on what is easiest. This week you’ll have some fellow feeling for her, Libra, as there are decisions to be made that might have longer lasting consequences then you really want to consider. Consider considering them anyway.
I know a girl who’s moving to a country where she barely speaks the language. When she lands she’ll have a slew of new things to learn, and that will take some doing and it will also take some time. Scorpio, right now you’ve got an idea how to get out of this rut you’ve been in, but it’s going to be a while before the universe catches up with you and everyone starts speaking your language. This week make a point of practicing your new tongue anyway. Under Mercury retrograde next week you might not even know what you’re saying, but don’t worry, by your birthday, everyone will sound just like you!!!!
Japanese researchers have invented a frog with transparent skin so we don’t have to dissect frogs for research anymore. They could be imitating you, Sag. Your vision is so clear and your conduct so direct you are virtually transparent these days and probably can’t imagine why that might be freaking people out. Take pity on us, Sag, not everyone is as comfortable with their vitals on display as you are. But in the time it takes us to catch on to the benefits so obvious to you, there is a window of opportunity for you to push through some of your stranger ideas under the radar. Go on, LEAP!!!
In the video for her new single, Dark Road, Annie Lennox sports a superhero outfit and rides about in a taxi looking her age (52) singing firmly from her heart about what it takes to live with despair and longing. The great thing about the video is how the goofiness of the superhero costume undercuts her sorrow with a bright window of hope and joy. This week, Cappy, you’ll get a taste of a certain struggle lying in wait for you over the next couple months. It’s time to balance what you know to be right with what others know to be right. If you haven’t already, select your superhero costume. You’ll wear it well.
Can you place a Missed Connections ad for someone sitting right next to you talking to you? Sometimes we say one thing and the other person hears something else entirely. I don't have it in my heart to blame you if you just want to throw in the towel and walk away, Aquarius. But somehow I don’t think you will. After all you’ve been through the past few years, this cycle is nothing new, but the way you’re handling it is entirely novel. Either you get the girl or guy or you don’t. This week the connection you won’t be missing is the one with you. What are you waiting for? Buy yourself some flowers!
When I was still little enough for my dad to zip me up inside his jacket we went for a hike while camping and got lost. We realized we were lost when we passed the same spot twice. My dad laughed ruefully and pulled out his compass. Tucking me under his arm he showed me due north and explained our campsite was east. I don’t remember getting home, ‘cause the minute he showed me the compass I knew we were safe. Pisces, you may feel lost right now, but no one knows due north like you do. You’ve passed the same burning bush three times. Pick up your compass, honey. It’s time to head home.